Bang, You're Dead Bambi

Everybody loves deer. They probably make us remember poor Bambi who lost her mother during our childhood. I bet some people even shed a tear when they see deer roadkill. Recently a local news story involving deer has turned very bizarre and turned out the local wackos. A local county park is experiencing a deer over population problem. The park rangers estimate that around 200 deer per square mile inhabit the park of just over 3 square miles. They also claim the park can only support 50 deer per square mile. My limited math skills tell me they need to reduce the deer population by at least 450 deer.

Because of the over population, the county explored options for reducing the deer population in the park. They claim the deer are diseased and slowly starving to death in their competition for the scarce food supply available within the park. Deer are migrating out of the park causing a higher than normal number of deer-car accidents in the vicinity. Neighbors around the park also report deer foraging through their garbage, gardens and planter beds looking for sustenance.

Knowing the potential for over-reaction on any deer reduction plan, the county held a series of public meetings where they shared information related to the over-population problem and several solutions. Over time, one option gained the support of the county officials. The plan called for sharpshooters reducing deer population during the park's closed hours. They might as well of called the solution Murdering Bambi. The radical fringe has now descended.

I am confident the county selected the most cost-efficient and humane solution to the problem. Regardless, this decision organized a group of animal loving crazy people who regularly protest the action now underway. The county then tried to mitigate the protest by announcing the deer would be taken to a slaughterhouse, butchered, and the meat given to Harvesters food pantry. (Hey, didn't they say the deer were diseased?) This did nothing to satisfy the crazy people. They now gather near the park with signs and other forms of protest.

One especially deranged individual staged a publicity stunt by calling in the local TV media to cover (and tape for the 10:00 news) him dump a 5 gallon bucket of blood onto himself for some purpose only known to him. It did nothing to convince me of his cause. In fact, it convinced me that he was insane for thinking the stunt would be beneficial in some way.

What has been notably absent from the crazies protest are viable alternatives to the deer population problem. The county has done a good job of communicating the problem and their proposed solution. The crazies have not, so I assume their plan is one of the following:

• Ignore the problem and let the deer die a slow painful death by starvation.
• Convince the 450 of the park neighbors to adopt a deer.
• Convince the county to change the property from a public park to a deer refuge and become caretakers to a growing deer population of over 600.
• Capture each of the 450 deer individually, put them up in a Motel 6 while they figure out where to dump them to become someone else's problem.

There was one troubling suggestion from the crazies. A true rocket scientist from the group stated the county should introduce deer predators into the park to control the deer population. I assume he meant cougars or wolves (or sharpshooters?). Obviously he had not thought through ramifications of predators also leaving the park to nibble on neighborhood kittens or small children. He must also have thought that being ripped apart by a wolf is a far better way to die than getting a bullet in the brain.

This brand of animal-loving fanaticism draws both conservative and liberal members like moths to a flame. There is one notable difference between the two. Conservatives tend to be more consistent by also standing up for human life, while the libs never see the connection.