Carpe Defeatem

Last year I blogged about a new experience for me, shopping on Black Friday.  I had never, ever ventured out into the mean streets during this dangerous time.  But with SILC, BILL, Heather and NILK in town, we took the challenge of attacking certain retail establishments to win the desired door crasher bounty.  It was a successful outing and you can read about it here and see my niece's video report here.

The plan for this year was to do nothing.  -T and I opted to sleep in and possibly forage during daylight hours for the scraps left behind by the rabid masses.  That plan was in place until mid-day Thanksgiving.  That was when daughter -L was reviewing the 3 inch thick pile of circulars in the morning paper, creating a list of everything she wanted to purchase for Christmas gifts.  The question came innocently.  "Dad, do you think Mom would go out shopping with me tomorrow morning?"  I should have stayed quiet and given a non-committal answer.  Instead, I provided an alternative.  I let her know that -T would be more likely to go out later that night.  The Legends outdoor mall was to open at 10PM and the nearby Super Walmart had door crashers beginning at midnight.  And then I really screwed up bad.  I said that "we" could start the evening by having a little breakfast at the local IHOP before heading out to the battleground to begin the onslaught.  It just slipped out.  -L was happy that I had volunteered since SILD (son-in-law Dan) did not want her going out alone.  -L then spoke with her mother, who was not overly excited about the idea, but went along anyway. 

Thanksgiving day came and went, and SILL indicated that she was also interested.  Somehow, she was under the impression that Walmart would be desolate if we went at midnight.  Was she in for a shock.  -L, -T and I headed to IHOP for fuel around 9:30.  I was hopeful that we were following a successful plan since the restaurant was only half full.  We got right in.  It was disconcerting that the parking lots at Legends shopping mall, immediately across the street, were rapidly filling.  We had a nice meal and then set out on our adventure.  First we did drive bys of the nearby Target, Best Buy and Walmart.  Of those, only Best Buy had campers out front in line on this cold 22 degree evening.

Arriving at the Legends just after 10:00 we parked in the back of the lot and headed in with very little idea of what we were looking for.  These stores were the only ones open at the time.  We found the outdoor mall completely packed, so much that just walking around was difficult.  Our first stop was Broadway Shoes.  Never have I seen this store so full.  Every aisle was full of shoppers.  It is a large store, but it took 10 minutes to walk to the rear.  We did make a purchase.  -T bought -L a pair of boots.  She had bought -A a pair last week, so we needed to even out the favoritism. After leaving the shoe store, we considered other shops.  Each either had a line of 50-100 people to get in, or a line just as long to check out.  After 20 minutes we decided to call SILL and meet at Walmart.  We thought we could scope out the bounty from -L's list and get in and out quickly once midnight arrived.

Upon arriving, the huge parking lot was half full.  We got in with no problems and wandered for a bit identifying the location of items on -L's list.  The children's toy section was especially frightening.  I noticed the pink Barbie motorized Jeep pile of boxes surrounded by people, each with a hand on one of the boxes.  They were staking their claim to the item once midnight rolled around.  As I passed, they sneered.  I don't know if the sneer said "Ha, ha, I got the Barbie Jeep", or "Back off jerk, this one is mine".  Either way, I cleared out.

The 3 of us set up our base camp near items that could not be loaded into our cart until midnight.  As we got closer, the store began to rapidly fill.  At 11:45, there was no room to maneuver a cart from any location to another.  We were effectively trapped.  We did abandon the shopping cart occasionally to scout for merchandise, but one of us was always left behind to guard our home base.

At 11:55, the Walmart employees began to uncover the midnight door crashers.  This set off a flurry of wide-eyed zombie-like clutch and grab shopping from hundreds of shoppers who had staked their territory.  A cop that had been monitoring the crowd close to where I was, suddenly received a call on his radio and rushed in the general direction of the Barbie Jeeps.  I think it was getting ugly over there.

We rapidly loaded our cart with a few items, and I went to get a Thomas the Train table and chair set.  Fifteen minutes later I had covered the 100 foot distance only to see that -L and -T had already arrived via a peripheral route.   We had all that we were going to get, which was most everything on the list except the Wii games.  That was another rough area.  Now we just needed to get out so that I could be in bed by 1:00.

SILL, -T and -L used the peripheral route knowledge to make their way to the check out.  That brought us to the front of the store on the extreme left flank.  Sounded good when we started, but turned out to be a colossal tactical error.  The line we were in led to a single checkout register and was 30 to 50 carts long, and was also being fed by another long line snaking up the center of the store.  The chaos happening in front of us was extraordinary.  In the first 10 minutes we made no progress toward a cashier.  SILL, looking shellshocked, gave up first, and I followed her out to the parking lot to give her an item in my car.  When I returned, -L and -T had made no progress, and I was no longer able to get back to them through the masses.

I was ready to  surrender, but did not.  I could see the smiles on my grand children's faces as they unwrapped the packages on Christmas morning full of the bounty we won on this night.  I was willing to hang in there an hour or so if that is what it would take.  Then I see -L mouthing something to me across the crowd of shoppers.  I think she said "Do you want to go?"  Yes, yes, a thousand time yes!"  -T and -L then committed the cardinal sin of Black Friday shopping.  They abandoned the cart.  The shoppers behind them were not happy, insisting that the cart be removed so not to impede their progress.  The shopper around them realized what was happening and immediately began scavenging through the items that were formerly ours, looking for something they wanted but did not get.  We left them all behind.

So my final attempt at Carpe Dealem is now over.  I will remember this as Carpe Defeatem, as we lost.  Interestingly enough, -L went back the next morning at 8:00 to a nearly desolate Walmart and was able to buy most of the items we had abandoned just a few hours before.  I am sure she will get the rest online today.  I think that was the lesson learned this year - there is an easier way to win.  And you don't lose sleep.