Mary

Thursday is the funeral for my mother-in-law, Mary Hansen. You may remember previous blogs on our trip to the Mayo Clinic, Passing the Torch, or on Christmas 2009. In these blogs I recounted the progress of her battle against thyroid cancer. This cancer took her life last Saturday evening. If interested, arrangements follow:

Visitation on Wednesday 2/10 from 6-8 PM at Amos Funeral home in Shawnee
Funeral is Thursday 2/11 at 10:30 AM at Overland Park Lutheran Church, 79th and Lowell
Burial immediately following at Johnson County Memorial Cemetery, 75th and K-7

Mary has been an important person in my life for the past 33 years. As her health was failing, I began to think about that time. What came to mind first is the stereotype associated with mother-in-laws. That stereotype is they can be overbearing, and men should just tolerate their mother-in-law in order to get along with their wife. That has not been my experience. My memories of Mary are are more like that of a mother. Mary accepted me and her other son and daughter-in-law as if we were her own children.

Mary had a servant's heart. She worked tirelessly at her church. She was a "Church Basement Lady", always helping out during church events, weddings and funerals. She was a servant at home. Christmas and Thanksgivings were usually celebrated in her home. She would prepare most of the food and work in the kitchen until the meal and desserts were served. Then she would clean up. Most of my memories of Mary relate to holidays, cooking and cleaning.

After a surgery, Terri was not able to transport me to a doctor's appointment. Mary volunteered. After a different health problem, Mary was at the hospital visiting me, volunteering to stay with me during the recuperation, and bringing me a fresh batch of her awesome cinnamon rolls (she knew was my favorite). Mary and I had a secret deal. Whenever I prepared barbecue for a family meal, she made the slaw. It was a tasty combination. So tasty that during her illness, Terri learned her recipe so the tradition would continue.

Mary was also known for her Dutch Apple and Cherry pies, Christmas Eve Chili and shrimp, Ess cookies, and Eble Skiber (spelling unknown, but they are Danish pancakes). Even with all of her kitchen talent, Mary could never master the fried egg. Hers were always burnt around the edges. It became sort of a joke within the family.

The speed of her decline was amazing and sad. Just 6 months ago, Mary arose each weekday at
5 AM to participate in water aerobics. After her cancer was diagnosed and was creating mobility problems for her, she remained active and continued to play bridge and pool. The turning point occurred during the second week at the Mayo Clinic. It was mid-November. A series of tests indicated that her right sided weakness and pain was caused by brain tumors. She went on steroids which provided some short term relief from the symptoms. The relief lasted through the holidays. Her family is thankful for that quality time.

During Thanksgiving, she enjoyed a visit from Lloyd,Cindy, Heather, Kelly, and Kelsey. Most of our Christmas traditions remained intact. Mary was able to assist (you could not make her sit down) with the food preparations. She played games with her family. She enjoyed her great grand children. In late January, Lloyd, Cindy and Robin visited. Mary's mobility continued to fail, but she was still social and participated in conversations and activities. We are thankful the entire family was able to spend a few of her last days with her.

By the first week of February, her legs had failed and she could not longer walk. She was also wanting to sleep the majority of each day. Getting her from the bed or chair to a wheel chair became a challenge for several people. The decision was made to move her to a nursing home. Mary was admitted to the hospital on Monday 2-1-2010. There she was evaluated to make sure there were no other issues impacting her health. On Thursday 2-4-2010 Mary was transferred to Trinity Lutheran Nursing home for rehabilitation. The doctors and family thought that if he could regain the strength in her legs, she could return home.

On Friday, she indicated to her rehab therapist that her goal was to work hard, get strong and go home. The therapist believed that was possible since her muscle condition was good. However on Saturday morning Mary's breathing became labored. Doctors thought she might be getting pneumonia and ordered a chest x-ray. The x-ray showed no signs of problem with her lungs or heart. At 8:55 PM that evening, Mary passed away peacefully. The brain cancer had won.

Our family has witnessed a great living example of servanthood. Mary had a huge heart. I will miss her much like Terri, Cindy and Steve will - as a mother.