Men and Women

Regardless of what the politically correct crowd might say, men and women are different. One difference became evident last night, after my shower. Terri asked that I put my dirty clothes and towel in the washer. She had already added soap, so her last request was to press the start button. I did, and lights started to flash which seemed appropriate to me. We have a fairly new washing machine and I am convinced that it is more intelligent than I because I do not understand anything about it. An hour later Terri went in to move the clothes to the dryer. The clothes were not wet. The washer had not come on. She called me in to replicate what I had done. I pressed the start button again and the lights began to flash again. Apparently you must press the start button twice on our machine. I did not know that, and I had followed Terri's instruction perfectly. She had assumed that I knew how to start the washing machine.

A few days before, Terri asked me to pick up Jello at grocery store. I found the aisle where boxes of Jello were sold, and selected 3 flavors so she would have a selection. I again disappointed my bride. It seems that modern Jello is sold pre-made in plastic containers with tear off foil covers. That is what Terri wanted, but I had purchased the Jello that I remember my mother made. Again, she assumed that I knew better. Even after 32 years of marriage, our failures to communicate pop up from time to time. I think it is more about how men and women are wired, than a failure in our relationship. So I searched the Internet for irrefutable examples of the differences between men and women. I found too many to absorb, but will share a few here.

Did you know that when a man talks to another man and the male listener shakes his head up and down, it means that he is agreeing with the speaker. When a man talks to a woman and she shakes her head, it only means that "I am listening." How many business meetings do you think end with the speaker feeling he had gained consensus only to learn later he did not?

The blue text below is copied from various Internet site.

Women tend to communicate more effectively than men, focusing on how to create a solution that works for the group, talking through issues, and utilizes non-verbal cues such as tone, emotion, and empathy whereas men tend to be more task-oriented, less talkative, and more isolated. In my house we called that "the voice". Terri becomes a very effective when she switches the voice. I believe that all women are born with 2 voices. Men have a more difficult time understanding emotions that are not explicitly verbalized. Really? Is that why I tend to repeat 2 sentences? "Is something wrong?" and"Why are you crying?"


Men tend to process better in the left hemisphere of the brain while women tend to process equally well between the two hemispheres. This difference explains why men are generally stronger with left-brain activities and approach problem-solving from a task-oriented perspective while women typically solve problems more creatively and are more aware of feelings while communicating. That sucks since I have a damaged left brain. I guess that means that Terri should be solving all our problems.

Mathematical abilities. An area of the brain called the inferior-parietal lobule (IPL) is typically significantly larger in men, especially on the left side, than in women. This section of the brain is thought to control mental mathematical ability, and probably explains why men frequently perform higher in mathematical tasks than do women. Interestingly, this is the same area of Einstein’s brain that was discovered to be abnormally large. I think I believe this. I have always had the better math skills, with the exception of Algebra. Allison was the wizard in that subject. The IPL also processes sensory information, and the larger right side in women allows them to focus on, "specific stimuli, such as a baby crying in the night." Right again. Terri would always wake up hearing things in the night. I remember being awakened once in the middle of the night by Terri saying "Someone just came through the front door!" I searched the house with shotgun in hand and found nothing. I think she heard a gnat land on the dresser.

Typically, men’s brains are 11-12% bigger than women’s brains. This size difference has absolutely nothing to do with intelligence, but is explained by the difference in physical size between men and women. Men need more neurons to control their greater muscle mass and larger body size, thus generally have a larger brain. Unfortunately and in a related note, men only have enough blood to operate 2 major organs at once. The brain suffers when a third organ requires additional blood flow.

Women prefer 30 - 45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 - 45 seconds of foreplay and include brushing their teeth as foreplay.

Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. I still like to give wedgies.

Women look good in hats; men look like dorks. We see hats as a way to avoid combing our hair.

Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television, and an episode of "The Three Stooges" comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited; they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man's favorite stooge. The women will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out. So true. With Terri and I it is even more dramatic. I am a funny guy at times, but she never laughs at my jokes. More often than not, she becomes offended. On the other hand, Terri will laugh during a crisis. She has been with a friend who skidded into the median on a snowy day, and she burst into laughter. She also laughed when I first told her that I loved her.

A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. Terri has 450 bathroom items and all I recognize were a comb, toothbrush and blow dryer.

When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup, goes to the bathroom, picks up the living room, starts a load of wash, and swifters the floor.

When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of the changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction--he buys aviator glasses, tighter jeans, and goes shopping for a Jeep Wrangler.

If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there", and, "I know I'm in the neighborhood. I recognize that. I will follow my GPS to the end of the earth before stopping for directions, so we compromise. I pull in to the gas station and Terri goes in to ask for directions.

A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. Does Lyndy still live with us?

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals. Heaven forbid that someone would see my wife without her make up. She is even reluctant to go out without makeup while we are out of town on vacation.

Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do the laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Reference paragraph #1.

Little girls love to play with toys. Then, when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they older, their toys simply become more expensive and impractical. Examples of men's toys: TV's, wireless phones, Blue Ray players, computers, surround sound systems, video games, anything that blinks, beeps, and requires a a battery to operate.

Search for yourself. There are hundreds of differences.