I am Prepared

Be Prepared. That is the Boy Scout motto and I am a Boy Scout. The Boy Scouts is a private club, open to any male between certain ages who wants in. Their scouting principals are not secrets, and they do not hide why they exist. Their goal is to equip young men for manhood. It build character, teaches morals and has a religious theme. Whenever the ACLU brings a case against them, I cringe. It is just another attempt to chip away at the foundational beliefs of America. It is too bad that girls can't join, but there is a thing called Girl Scouts. If a person is offended by pledging to God and Country, then they shouldn't join the Boy Scouts.

I started my scouting career as a Cub Scout. My mother was a den mother so we had den meetings at my house. I can't remember any significant learning coming from Cub Scouts. Maybe that is why the ACLU leaves them alone. I suspect the Cub Scouts is just preparation for Boy Scouts.

My Boy Scout experience is one of camp outs, canoe trips, camaraderie, 20 mile hikes, service projects and fund raisers- all good. When you first join the Boy Scouts, the initial goal is to achieve the first level. I think it is called becoming a 1st class scout. The requirements are low, if you can maintain body warmth and breath occasionally, you make it. The next few levels require an ever increasing effort. Those levels are ranks of Star, Life and finally Eagle Scout.

I achieved the Life rank. To do so I had to study certain topics and participate in activities that proved you had learned something. For each topic mastered, a merit badge was awarded. As you accumulated merit badges, your rank increased. Achieving the Star rank was fairly simple. You made the Star rank by earning 5 merit badges. I think I earned camping, cooking, hiking, basket weaving, and bugling. I played the trumpet in grade school so bugling was easy. The rest required that I participate in scheduled Boy Scout activities.

Life rank was more difficult. I think you had to earn an additional 10 merit badges. I have no memory of what badges I earned, but can assure you they required the least effort to earn or I would not have made it. Once I achieved the rank of Life, I lost interest. Eagle award requires even more merit badges, including some with a very high degree of difficulty. It also requires planning and execution of a service project, including raising the funds needed by the project. When I saw the Eagle requirements, I thought it a good time to end my Boy Scout experience. I hold great respect for the guys that earned the rank of Eagle Scout. It was a test of their abilities and perseverance. There is a reason they normally achieve much in later life.

There are many other things a boy learns in Boy Scouts that are not planned or sanctioned by the organization. These learning's are typically those discovered whenever a group of boys spend a lot of time together and away from their parents. The first was the discovery of pornography. Each scout troop is made up of smaller squads. A squad is usually under 10 members, and these members become their own "club" within the larger troop organization. Squads always camp and eat together, and compete against the other squads. Over time, each squad would accumulate old Playboys which were carefully stored in the packed up tents and available for the next camp out.

I learned more about the "birds and the bees" in Boy Scouts than my parents ever taught me. Most of what I learned was technically correct, but flawed. I remember the evening when my Boy Scout friend told several of us how babies were made. After describing the physical mechanics, he stated that it is call "raking". I suppose he was referring to "raping", but had confused the explanation of rape for the mechanics of sex when described by his parents. We thought we knew the facts of life, and had corroborating proof from our stowed Playboys.

I learned not to eat undercooked sausage. That lesson was learned over a rainy weekend camp out. We had difficulty keeping our campfire lit much less hot. The result was undercooked sausage which we ate anyway. I blew chunks for more than a day. It took me 10 years before I could eat sausage again.

I learned there is no value in camping in the snow. Every winter on the anniversary of Scouting, our troop would camp out on the grounds of our sponsor church. In this case, the Shawnee Presbyterian church. The anniversary falls in January, so most years were cold. One in particular was brutally cold with a foot of snow on the ground. All the scouts spent the entire weekend in our tents and in our sleeping bags. We never went out until it was time to pack up and go home.

I learned how to sleep in the woods with nothing but a sleeping bag. It was part of the Order of the Arrow initiation. We were given a match, a grapevine ring, and allowed to take our sleeping bag with us. The challenge was to start a campfire, burn the grapevine and then bed down for the night. Then we were led to a spot deep in the woods, told to sleep there. Our guide then left us alone. Do you know how difficult it is to start a fire with one match in total darkness? Most of us simple used the match in an attempt to burn the grapevine, and when that failed threw the grapevine away. I remember lying in my sleeping bag with the opening pulled tight around my face to keep out the snakes. I fell asleep that way and awakened the next morning still clenching the sleeping bag tightly.

I learned how to cook a rattlesnake. During one week at summer camp a group of us scouts happened upon one of the plentiful snakes in the area. At Camp Naish, when someone yells "snake!", nobody runs. We were Boy Scouts, so instead we gather. This is how the rest of the conversation goes:

"Where?"

"Right there, see by that tree."

"What do you want to do?"

"Let's catch it."

"Then what?"

"We'll kill it!"

Okay, now what do we do?"

"Let's eat it."

So that's what we did. I had no part in spotting, catching or killing the rattlesnake. I assisted in the cleaning of the snake. The rattle was award to the kid who cut it's head off while another kid pinned it down with a stick. He deserved it. I did fry the snake up and shared it with the guys. It tasted like chicken.

I learned how to use toothpaste in practical jokes. It was the first night of a week at camp. All of us were excited to be out of the house for the week, so we did not sleep much. Instead, we did what young boys do - create mischief. That night we thought it funny to go into tents of other squads and squirt toothpaste on the side of their heads while they slept. I think I used the whole tube on the first night. When I returned home the conversation with my mother went like this:

Mom: "Did you remember to brush your teeth last week?"

Me: Yep, check the tube of toothpaste."

Mom: "You used the whole tube?"

Me: "Yes, I brushed them real good!"

I learned that you must tailor your message to the audience. Each squad was required to perform a skit at monthly troop meetings with our parents. One month, it was my turn to decide what to perform. As was my pattern, I took the easy route and decided to perform a recent joke that I had heard. The skit required 2 guys to argue about who's was longer. The debate continued for a minute or so until both stood up and began unbuckling their belts. The punchline was that they would remove their belts and compare the length of each. The guys in the troop roared with laughter, but the parents were less than amused.

I still occasionally see a couple of my old Boy Scout buddies. They are doing very well. Neither of them has served jail time, and both are in stable marriages with children. I believe at least of small part of the credit goes to our Boy Scout experience.