Is Life Better With Kids?

When I was younger, those who know me would comment that I seemed to operate on a very even keel.  I never got visibly angry or depressed and never seemed to get too stress out about anything.  I adopted the "What Me Worry?" attitude of Alfred E. Newman, and left the worrying to Terri.   I am no longer that way.  I occasionally ride the emotional roller coaster.  I can't think of a turning point, although Terri might point to my stroke.  To me the change has been gradual. 

Last week, my daughter Allison asked what I thought of a story she read that claimed childless people were happier than parents.  The "offspring-correct" answer would have been that I couldn't imagine being happier without kids.  Instead I took a more reflective approach and wondered if children were the reason for my change.  I think the progression from having young children to teenagers, young adults and grandchildren brings with it a roller coaster of emotions. 

While I cannot say that I am happier, or less happy with children, I can say that with them the highs are higher and the lows are lower.  For me, kids amplify the variations to what was once a very even keel.  In the time Before Children (BC), I could never have understood how good it would make me feel to see the birth of my child, to see them take their first steps or hear them utter their first words, to teach them to ride a bicycle, see their first achievement in sports, witness their pride on getting an 'A' in school, teach them to drive a car, or watch as they graduate, fall in love, marry and have children of their own.  All along the journey there are examples of the little monsters maturing, developing character and a belief system, becoming responsible and making their parents proud.  These are all highs that we've had, and continue to experience with Lyndy, Allison, and our grandchildren.

But with the highs, there are lows.  In the time BC, I could also not understand the emotional depths when seeing a beautiful and cute child who when angered would transform into a tantrum-throwing demon who would rip the wallpaper off her bedroom wall just to spite her parents, or the hoarder that would pile clean clothes on top of the dirty in her bedroom, the child paralyzed by the thought of boarding a school bus, the rebellion that comes natural to a teenager, or seeing your child embarrassed by something they or I had done.  The lows do not disappear when they become an adult.  We feel low when they are confronted with financial issues, or struggle through the difficult decisions adults are expected to make. 

But overall, the highs seem to outweigh the lows.  It helped having children that were either better people than I, or better at finding ways to keep their parents in the dark.  I suspect the former and not the latter.  I am confident that life is richer because of the highs and the lows.  The people who are happier without kids may not know what happiness is.  I guess that is my answer to Allison.