Obscure Universal Truths and Vacuuming

Over the past year or so I have documented a few obscure universal truths that are important to understand how the universe operates.  I don't capture the obvious ones, like "If you play with fire, you will get burnt".  I'll leave those to other philosophers.  My running list include these:

1. Those who badger others for being intolerant are typically the most intolerant humans on earth.
2. The only inhumane torture tactic is being forced to listen to Diane Feinstein.
3. The opposite of irony is wrinkly.
4. The attendance at your funeral will largely be determined by the weather.

This morning I have added a fifth.

Today is Tuesday. Since I became unemployed, Tuesday is vacuuming day.  My thought process began when my wife told me that if I vacuumed the basement, it would be my final time before our daughter moved in next weekend.  Thereafter she would be responsible.

My immediate reaction was one that every man would have.  If we are moving her in over the weekend, why vacuum?  I mean, we will be hauling in boxes and furniture.  Boxes and furniture have dust and other stuff clinging to them.  It is very likely that dust and other stuff will fall onto and ruin my freshly vacuumed floors.

My next reaction was to think about what was right.  Shouldn't I just say I vacuumed the basement knowing that after we moved our daughter in, nobody would be able to tell that I didn't?  Isn't that the right thing to do?  While I was vacuuming the basement, I began to ponder why tidy wives think this way.

This is not an isolated behavior.  It is closely related to other seemingly irrational actions.  Exhibit 1: If company is coming over, the wife will want to vacuum even though we both know the company will mess up the clean floors.  Wouldn't it be better to vacuum after they left?  Exhibit 2: There is an unspoken requirement to clean the house before we leave on vacation.  Won't we be bringing back half the beach and a couple suitcases of dirty clothes?  Wouldn't it be more logical to clean the house once we return?

There must be a good reason why tidy wives insist on vacuuming at times their men can't understand.  It was this pondering that led me to stumble on obscure universal truth number 5.

    5.  Vacuuming is more like filling a gas tank than cleaning.

We all can relate to occasionally filling our gas tank when we still have a quarter tank.  We do it so that we can drive longer or further before we must stop and refill. Or maybe it is more convenient to fill up now than wait until we must. 

Tidy women think the same way about vacuuming.  If they vacuum now, the house will stay clean a little longer than if they waited until it was obviously dirty.  Or maybe they are concerned it will be inconvenient to vacuum  when it is actually needed.

It all makes sense now.  I will notice this weekend the exact time when the basement will need vacuumed.  It will likely be several minutes later than it would have been if I hadn't vacuumed.  Imagine the gratification that I will feel during that several minutes. 

Beginning Week Two

Week one felt like a vacation week.  Except Sunday evening. Sunday evening is the true beginning of the work week. Even before the weekend was finished, my thoughts would return to the stress and struggles of the week ahead. Not this week. That was nice. 

On Monday I attended an orientation for a job search service I am entitled to as part of the separation package. The first survey question they asked participants was how long had it been since we last searched for a job. Answer selections started at 1 year, 2-5 years, etc.  They didn't have an answer for >30 years, so I selected "18 years or more". I guess that I have been fortunate. 

The following discussion exposed the dichotomy of my situation. I have manager skills and experience. I don't want my next job to include cube life. The trick of finding a job that I want to do will be selling myself as an experienced and capable manager for a position that will allow me to be active and not desk-bound. I am having trouble imagining that job.

Task one will be developing a new resume. I have maintained my resume during my entire career, but a recent review was disappointing. It screams "I want to be a mid-level manager for a Fortune 50-500 company" again.  I don't.

After the new resume is ready, my networking will begin. Fortunately I know a few executives in large companies. The job search consultant claims that nearly 80% of jobs are found through networking, so I might as well start there.

I am really enjoying the first week+ of my unemployment. So much that I wonder where I could find a job repairing decks, fixing power washers, painting walls, landscaping, vacuuming, preparing dinner, and all the other tasks that I have occupied myself with so far. 

Now That I Have a Few Minutes

In May it will have been 2 years since my last blog post.  Believe it or not, I have missed the routine of thinking about what to write and then committing it to a blog.  Hence, the title of this post - Now That I Have a Few Minutes. 

As of March 10th, I became unemployed.  Something that I have dreaded most of my professional career has become more of a relief.  Fortunately, my former employer provided a separation package that allows me to take some time and find new work that I find interesting.  Even so, brief periods of anxiety have met this milestone for no good reason other than I am unemployed.

I estimate that I have held a job continuously for the past 46-48 years.  My first job was the Kansan newspaper route in my neighborhood.  Every day except Saturday, I would receive a bundle of newspapers at the end of my driveway, roll and band or bag them, and set out on my bike to deliver each to a home on my route.  Once a month I would collect the monthly subscription from each customer and pay the Kansan for the papers and supplies.  I kept whatever money was left.

From there I graduated to Kansas City Star/Times delivery from a truck driven by the route owner.  Next was my dream job of bussing tables (for $1.60 hr.) at the brand new Red Lobster in town. I was able to buy a new car on that wage. The Red Lobster gig became a 4 year progression from busboy, to dishwasher, backup cook, fry man, broiler man and finally, the expeditor responsible for running the kitchen. 

From there I was hired by a property management company where I mowed, cleaned clubhouses, maintained exterior lighting and whatever else they wanted me to do. I briefly held a job as a draftsman at a professional custom electronics company.  Briefly because I had no training as a draftsman, but it took them 2 weeks to discover it.  From there, I painted houses before finding my first big boy job at the local cable company.  That job prepared me to join the large telecommunications company, for whom I have worked directly or indirectly for the past 18 years.

Now I am unemployed.  On day one I started my BIG honey-do list.  It will take a couple months to complete.  By then I hope to be actively applying and interviewing for a new job.  Since I have a few minutes, I plan to occasionally post a blog on my progress.