Obscure Universal Truths and Vacuuming

Over the past year or so I have documented a few obscure universal truths that are important to understand how the universe operates.  I don't capture the obvious ones, like "If you play with fire, you will get burnt".  I'll leave those to other philosophers.  My running list include these:

1. Those who badger others for being intolerant are typically the most intolerant humans on earth.
2. The only inhumane torture tactic is being forced to listen to Diane Feinstein.
3. The opposite of irony is wrinkly.
4. The attendance at your funeral will largely be determined by the weather.

This morning I have added a fifth.

Today is Tuesday. Since I became unemployed, Tuesday is vacuuming day.  My thought process began when my wife told me that if I vacuumed the basement, it would be my final time before our daughter moved in next weekend.  Thereafter she would be responsible.

My immediate reaction was one that every man would have.  If we are moving her in over the weekend, why vacuum?  I mean, we will be hauling in boxes and furniture.  Boxes and furniture have dust and other stuff clinging to them.  It is very likely that dust and other stuff will fall onto and ruin my freshly vacuumed floors.

My next reaction was to think about what was right.  Shouldn't I just say I vacuumed the basement knowing that after we moved our daughter in, nobody would be able to tell that I didn't?  Isn't that the right thing to do?  While I was vacuuming the basement, I began to ponder why tidy wives think this way.

This is not an isolated behavior.  It is closely related to other seemingly irrational actions.  Exhibit 1: If company is coming over, the wife will want to vacuum even though we both know the company will mess up the clean floors.  Wouldn't it be better to vacuum after they left?  Exhibit 2: There is an unspoken requirement to clean the house before we leave on vacation.  Won't we be bringing back half the beach and a couple suitcases of dirty clothes?  Wouldn't it be more logical to clean the house once we return?

There must be a good reason why tidy wives insist on vacuuming at times their men can't understand.  It was this pondering that led me to stumble on obscure universal truth number 5.

    5.  Vacuuming is more like filling a gas tank than cleaning.

We all can relate to occasionally filling our gas tank when we still have a quarter tank.  We do it so that we can drive longer or further before we must stop and refill. Or maybe it is more convenient to fill up now than wait until we must. 

Tidy women think the same way about vacuuming.  If they vacuum now, the house will stay clean a little longer than if they waited until it was obviously dirty.  Or maybe they are concerned it will be inconvenient to vacuum  when it is actually needed.

It all makes sense now.  I will notice this weekend the exact time when the basement will need vacuumed.  It will likely be several minutes later than it would have been if I hadn't vacuumed.  Imagine the gratification that I will feel during that several minutes.