Inspirational

A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet. She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes. Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.

She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention, but he was too busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good. Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!

'And what do you want?' the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages,' he said without waiting for a reply to his question.

'Well, I want to talk to you about my brother,' Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. 'He's really, really sick....and I want to buy a miracle.'

'I beg your pardon?' said the pharmacist.

'His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?'

'We don't sell miracles here, little girl. I'm sorry but I can't help you,' the pharmacist said, softening a little.

'Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs.'

The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, 'What kind of a miracle does your brother need?'

' I don't know,' Tess replied with her eyes welling up. I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money..'

'How much do you have?' asked the man from Chicago.

'One dollar and eleven cents,' Tess answered barely audible. 'And it's all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.'

'Well, what a coincidence,' smiled the man. 'A dollar and eleven cents---the exact price of a miracle.' He took her money and told her he would begin working on the miracle.

He then went to the local diner and ordered a cup of coffee. Sitting back and enjoying the hot liquid, he thought to himself, 'You know it really is a miracle how a cup of coffee someone else buys tastes better than one you pay for yourself.'

Why I Hate Dogs

In August of 2009, I closed the debate on why cats are better than dogs. That masterpiece can be found here and here. The posting proved that sanity is defined by the intrinsic hatred of dogs. Why do I hate dogs you might ask? Great question. Because they are the lowest form of mammal. May I expand on my response?

Growing up I usually had canine pets. The first was a terrier mutt named Sparky. Sparky was an okay dog as dogs go. He was stupid as they all are, but a good friend as I grew up. When Sparky died, my parents decided they wanted to become dog breeders. The breed they chose was the poodle. A poodle is the lowest sub-species within the species. We had 4 of them at one time. There was Bridget, a large black female. Then Thumbelina (not an especially good dog name), a white small female. And then Ginger, and small apricot colored female. Pierre' came last. He was given to us by an Aunt and Uncle who knew better than to own poodles. My parents accepted the gift as a last piece in their breeder business plan.


The first problem with poodles is their high yappy index. A poodle will yap for any or no reason at all. Only Pomeranians and Chihuahuas yap more. But those breeds are much smaller so don't hurt your foot so much when you kick them. During my youth, a simple knock on the front door would bring on a maelstrom of yapping, dashing, darting dogs through the house. The second problem with poodles is their long curly hair. They must be groomed often and bathed regularly. This never happens, so poodles smell and often look ugly.

The poodle breed also has other issues that make them somewhat grotesque. Their eyes ooze a pinkish liquid that must be cleaned from their face. If this isn't enough of a mess, 3 female poodles in the house bring with it a special ooze and smell during their "season". And there are the poodle's "anal glands" that must be cleaned periodically (don't ask me how). These were the details you don't hear about when your parents decide they want to breed poodles.


So in summary, poodles are gross animals I compare to a cross between a sheep and a pig. My parents made the bad situation worse by keeping all 4 dogs in the house. They were trained to pee and poop on newspapers (the dogs, not my parents). The task of cleaning up the used newspaper and putting down fresh newspaper was given to ... you guessed it - me.

And then there was the time after I had moved away from home when my parents went on vacation and left me in charge of feeding and watering their menagerie. One afternoon I stopped by to fill the water and food dish and was surprised to find baby puppies littering the yard. It seems the old fat dog was more than just fat. This was long after my parents aspirations of becoming award-winning poodle breeders had faded, so the litter was only 8-10 mongrel pups. Several had already died, while others were scattered through out the yard. I did my best to round up the survivors and let the mother's instinct take over.


This episode scarred me for life. After thousands of dollars spent on therapy, I have come to terms with the uselessness of dogs and the insanity of those who like them. Dogs definitely drool.

Unemployment Insurance

Driving in to work this morning I was listening to a talk show host speak about the current unemployment insurance payments made by the federal government to those who have lost their jobs. The key details I honed in on were 99 weeks (the length of time a person can draw unemployment) and that most people who find jobs while drawing unemployment do so just before it runs out.

I need to be careful here or risk being called a cruel, cold-hearted conservative. I do support the unemployment program as a safety net for those who unexpectedly lose their jobs. I also believe that 99 weeks is an overly large safety net. While I understand that very few people would retain their accustomed lifestyle while drawing unemployment, I also believe that a 99 week period does not convey the proper sense of urgency needed by a job hunter drawing their support from fellow citizens.

The fact that most people who find jobs while on unemployment do so near the end of their benefit indicates that desperation may set in when the end nears. People begin to accept any job instead of holding out for "the" job. In this context, desperation is a good thing. I would suggest the program be modified to inject even more desperation.

What if the 99 week limit were to remain the same, but during the first 25 weeks, the pay out would be 125% of the current amount. The second 25 weeks would be at current levels. The next 25% at 75% of current levels and the final 24 weeks at 50%. I believe this plan would accomplish 2 goals. First, the overall cost of unemployment payouts should drop, even if a person draws the entire 99 weeks of unemployment.

But the most significant benefit would be if the periodic drops in unemployment pay would be enough to encourage many unemployed people to take a lesser job earlier in the process. This would return significant savings to the program.

Whether you agree with this approach is probably driven by how you see the unemployment insurance program. Is it a safety net or an entitlement?

American Idol - The Finale

Tonight (as I write this) Crystal Bowersox will compete in the AI finale against Lee DeWyze. Crystal was the early favorite, but Lee has come on strong the past few weeks. My prediction is the winner will be decided on popularity, not singing talent. This bodes poorly for Crystal. Let me explain.

During the AI season, fans of the show begin to align with one of the contestants. The contestant with the most aligners (fans) move from one week to the next. Once you get to the top 3 or 4, each contestant is receiving a substantial number of votes. As the fourth and third place contestant is eliminated from the show, huge blocks of votes move to one of the survivors.

Knowing this make picking the winner from the top 2 or 3 is much easier than the loser in early rounds. This year, Casey James was eliminated from the top 3. Casey is eye candy for the female fans. His block of votes will most likely swing disproportionately in favor of Lee and not Crystal.

Talent has little to do with the final results - both have talent and will enjoy a professional music career. But my prediction is that Lee will win the final popularity contest and be the 2010 American Idol.

But could Crystal pull off an upset? Yes. She is capable of having a moment as she did early in the competition. And Lee could vomit on stage. Either or both could swing the vote to Crystal. But if both have mediocre performances, anoint Lee with the title.


UPDATED: Wednesday morning - It got interesting last night. Crystal nailed 3 songs while Lee did not. He didn't vomit on stage, but might have spit up a little. Regardless, Crystal turned in a performance that may be enough to overcome Lee's popularity advantage. We will see tonight.

Grandsons

I have a couple of them. Colteton and Clayton aka Bubsy, aka Thomas, aka Arguman (more on that in a moment). Last Sunday, Terri and I watched them for 5 hours while Lyndy and Madison attended a wedding shower. It was the longest period of time we had watched them in several months.

The observations were many. First, young kids, especially boys seem to have unlimited reserves of energy. Clay will sit and watch a movie that interests him, but Cole is constant motion. He takes no breaks and is always looking for the next thing to do. At the 3 and a half hour point yesterday, he had worn Terri and I out enough that we needed a break, so we loaded the two grandsons into the car and went for a drive. Within 10 minutes they were both asleep. A good mind always trumps youth.

Clay has recently learned that he can get paid for doing chores. He likes money, but still does not understand the relationship between the level of effort and the amount of pay. Any task is worth a dollar in his mind. On Sunday he asked if he could do something for money. I agreed and asked him to go pick up trash in the yard. Knowing there was little to no trash in the yard, I grabbed a candy wrapper on the way outside.

He could not find anything to pick up, so I tossed the wrapper down while he was not looking. When I pointed it out to him, he responded "I really never pick up stuff that small". After searching the entire yard, we had only found 2 small scraps of paper, so I asked him to pick up the pine cones from a nearby tree and dispose of them. As we stood surrounded by 20-30 pine cones, he said "I don't see any". I began pointing each out individually.

That was the start of the Arguman nick name. He immediately claimed what I was pointing at was not a pine cone, or was not my yard. After a little coaxing, he did pick most of the pine cones up. Later, while walking with the boys, I noticed that after every comment I made to Clay would respond with an argument. I told him he was special. He said he was not. I told him he was special because he was my first grandson. He argued with that. The same was true with any topic brought up for conversation. Finally I told him he was arguing about everything. His response? No I am not! I let it slide but created the new nickname.

In the end, Clay was able to earn $2.00 on the day. $1 for picking up the trash in my yard. A second for picking up the toys his brother scattered through the house. He wanted another dollar for picking up the train and tracks that he had set up, but I refused setting the ground rule that he wouldn't be paid for picking up after himself.

One final word for our grand-daughter. Madison graduated pre-school last Friday. She is officially a Kindergartner now. Her "graduation" picture can be found below. She was very proud as were we. She begins her elementary education next fall. She will be an exceptional student. She already wants her Nana to teach her to read. After all, her Mimi (Dan's mother) will teach her to play the piano so her other grandmother should teach her something too.

Jack Booted Thugs

A jackboot, as defined by Wikipedia, is a combat boot rising to at least mid-calf, with no laces, and typically leather soled. The term probably originates from association with the word jack or jerkin, as a common garment worn by the peasantry. Although jackboots date since before the Napoleon Bonaparte era and are still worn by many American police officers on motorcycles, 20th century jackboots, or the word at least, has been associated with totalitarian motifs.

When I hear the term, I think of Nazi Germany, with their Gestapo and the Secret Police. Those Nazi Jack Booted thugs brought terror to Germany's enemy and citizenry alike. If one was encountered on the street, the natural tendency was to quietly pass without attracting attention. I am sure you have seen movie depictions of the Secret Police questioning a suspected Jew for papers, or a citizen who was suspected of harboring an enemy. If they didn't like the answer, torture or death followed.

There is a new Jack Booted thug in America. Anyone who works for a large company will agree that Corporate Security employees operate much like the Nazi Secret Police. If you are in charge of a project, the last thing you want to happen is for a Corporate Security person to become interested in it. If that happens, you will be pulled in for intense questioning. If you satisfy their security concerns, it is only temporary. Soon, another Corporate Security person will notice the project and restart the questioning. Eventually, your project will be deemed a threat to corporate or customer protected information and is either neutered or shut down. This is because the Corporate Security mission is to render all project useless.

Corporate Security has absolute power in a company. If they determine there is a modicum of risk, they demand the project halt until all risk is mitigated. Refusal only leads to forced execution of the project by cutting off all feeds and interfaces to IT systems and databases. Corporate Security owns the IT world. IT serves as Corporate Security's Wehrmacht, the army of Nazi Germany.

You can never win an argument with Corporate Security. They don't operate logically and balance is never considered. Here is an example of how every conversation goes with them.

Corporate Security: Does your application contain information about the customer?
Me: Yes, we need to know the customer's name, their telephone number and any network information that describes problems they may have had on the network.
Corporate Security: Why do you need to know who the customer is?
Me: So that we can fix the problem they may be having.
Corporate Security: So they have asked you to fix a problem?
Me: No, we are trying to fix their problem before they even know about it.
Corporate Security: Why would we do that?
Me: Because it is becoming the standard for good customer service. It makes the customer very satisfied with the product.
Corporate Security: But they didn't ask you to look at their network information?
Me: No, they did not.
Corporate Security: Then you can only look at the network information anonymously. You cannot associate the customer's name or phone number to the network information.
Me: But without the customer's information, we would not know what to go fix.
Corporate Security: You will need to figure that out some other way.
Me: So why can't we know the customer's phone number or name?
Corporate Security: There is a risk it could fall into the wrong hands.
Me: Like another employee?
Corporate Security: Like an unauthorized employee.
Me: You mean an unauthorized employee who signed a pledge to never disclose customer information or risk losing their job?
Corporate Security: Exactly
Me: So my application is responsible for protecting the customer, and every employee who uses it?
Corporate Security: Exactly
Me: Then why were they required to sign the pledge?
Corporate Security: To protect the customer's privacy.
Me: Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

I have had this same conversation with a Jack Booted Thug several times over the years. There really is little doubt why this company has lost literally millions of customers over the past 5 years.

Stupid Letter of the Week

There are no stupid letters. There are stupid people who write letters. For someone looking for a blog topic, this was a gift.

Where’s the reform?

I am a progressive liberal. I decided to find out how this health care reform law would affect me. Upon phoning Rep. Emanuel Cleaver’s office, I asked how someone who is waiting 10 months for a disability hearing could get help at little or no cost. The response was Samuel U. Rodgers Health Center, the Kansas City Free Health Clinic and the Kansas City dental college.

The exact same collection of underfunded, inadequate, wait-for-four-hours, maybe days with the dental college, if you can get in at all. This is not health care reform. This is just more of the same. The poor wait in lines that never end.

There is nowhere you can get a pair of glasses. This is nonsense. Nothing will change as long as we play by the deal-making rules of Washington. We must take to the streets and demand the same health care that our elected officials have so freely heaped upon themselves.

I am not a tea party member. I am an angry progressive.

This is not reform. Health care is a right more than being able to carry a concealed weapon as part of a well-regulated militia.

Steven Addison

Steven proves the assertion that liberals do not live in the real world. He expects free or no cost health services that "our elected officials have so freely heaped upon themselves". According to Steven, Congress must have found a free health care system. I have always thought the taxpayer paid for their care. And then he expects there would be no lines for this free care, and that eye glasses should also be offered. Maybe these free clinic should also hand out pixie dust?

He again proves his ignorance by claiming that health care is more of a right than gun ownership and a well regulated militia. I'd like to see his copy of the Constitution. But as a liberal, he doesn't deal with facts, only feelings. I am sure that Steven feels he should get free care, but he has no facts on his side.

Finally, Steven wasn't paying attention during the health care bill battle. If he did, he would have known that free health care was never on the table. In fact, wait until he learns that if he doesn't buy health care, he will be fined.